I’d Like to File a Complaint Against Myself
One union. One employee. No competent departments.
Fictional comedy for grown-ups · Strong language.
Teddy
Excuse me. I’d like to file a complaint against myself.
Customer Service
Certainly, sir. May I ask who you’re filing the complaint against?
Teddy
MYSELF! I HIRED AN IDIOT!
Customer Service
And who authorized the hiring?
Teddy
I DID! THAT’S WHY I’M FILING THE FUCKING COMPLAINT!
Customer Service
Would you like to speak to your supervisor?
Teddy
I AM THE FUCKING SUPERVISOR!
Customer Service
Then perhaps you should have a word with yourself.
Teddy
I TRIED! I DON’T FUCKING LISTEN!
Customer Service
Perhaps you need some time alone to reflect.
Teddy
I CAN’T! EVERYWHERE I GO, THERE I FUCKING AM!
Customer Service
I’ll transfer you to someone competent. One moment, please.
Teddy
DOODLE UNION, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Teddy
OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. IT’S ME AGAIN!